As I read your post, the section that spoke to me is "many of us are unable to move from places of pain and hurt". In this position we are held captive because our minds are so fixed on our pains, it dims our eyes, eyes of the soul and repentance at this point is not an option. Without repentance there will be no reconciliation.
We have to recognize where we have erred and confess our sins. If someone else has wronged us, we need to pray about it. Through prayer we bare our souls to God, in essence that is confession. When confession takes place, a healthy climate comes into being which enables us to recognize our wrong and the wrongs of others through eyes of compassion, ultimately this should lead to repentance a doorway for reconciliation.